Objectification.

So, I got a mention on Elanye Riggs blog which really flattered me. I find any kind of attention for the blog a good thing for the most part but admittedly I do operate off in a rather remote part of the internet without a great deal of traffic. I am sure I don’t match the kind of traffic Elanye gets.

I got the mention mainly because there is something of a firestorm brewing in the world of comics over a story making the rounds about harassment of a women by a man (see below). I tried writing something to the issue (unfinished) but still haven’t fleshed out my ideas in a way I would like. In the meantime, I checked back on Elanye’s blog and saw some further comments and then got a bit worried because of a reference that made me think I might be suspect.

See, I have links too around here to half nekkid women and what worried me was I might have offended Elanye in some way.

Now, I happen to like half nekkid women. I am getting older though and the women in question are getting younger, there’s a bigger gap in the ages between me and the women I’m looking at which has an inherent creep factor in it. Truthfully, I don’t want to fall into the creep category. At the same time though, I don’t want to stop looking at half-nekkid women.

I imagine that’s a big part of the problem though.

An issue like this brings out many, much more complicated feelings and factors than are entirely being addressed. Does that mean I would endorse a guy being creepy to a woman? No. As a guy though, I know what guys are like and the truth of the matter is ladies, we are pretty disgusting creatures but, we’re not women. We don’t approach the world with the same outlook or POV that women do and I have to believe as a gender we ever will.

Men pursue, women get to do the picking. Of course, there are exceptions to each and every rule but, it’s pretty much the way things work. So, if a woman is being pursued by a man she finds attractive or interesting or desirable would the behavior displayed be viewed in the same light as the behavior of a man she wanted nothing to do with - in that way?

I am reminded of something that happened this weekend. In the course of my travels, a store I frequent regularly was staffed by a young woman whom I hadn’t remembered seeing before. The establishment in question has a register and sales counter placed a foot or two above the level of the sales floor (no doubt to control shrinkage). In any event, this young women was blessed with very (how shall we put this?) impressive physical attributes on prominent display due to the her choice of garments (not lift and separate here, more of a push together and out). The combination of the lady’s choice of dress along with the construction of the store combined in such a way so when I went to complete my purchase I was eye level, front and center with her assets (a combination of a low cut top underneath some sweater thingee which framed her in a flattering way) with perhaps less than two feet separating us.

I was embarrassed, really. I wanted to look, she was absolutely beautiful. There was no question and it seemed as if the male members of the store’s staff who pointedly fluttered into her orbit in a desperate attempt to gain her attention and approval confirmed that assessment. It didn’t seem as if she was a stranger to the attention.

Now during the course of my purchase, she was involved in movements which, shall we politely put it, made the display all the more obvious. I forcibly made an attempt to look everywhere but her breasts and it’s not I didn’t want to look believe me.

See, I’m a guy, we look. Furthermore, we like looking.

Now, I don’t or won’t justify putting hands on someone’s person in an unwelcome manner. I also won’t abide someone making someone else suffer because they have no interest in having sex. However, when we talk about things like objectification, I think we’re starting to get into a very hazy area here.

Sex sells. There’s just no other way to put it. Am I out there on the street whistling and catcalling at women with a group of construction workers? No, but mainly because I really don’t think most self respecting women are going to fall for that. Recently, I heard a story from someone who met their current beau in a bar. His line? “You are the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen.” Now, my first response was, “AND THAT WORKED?!?!”

The woman in question was very flattered by the comment and in no way doubted its sincerity but, every guy I told the story to had the same knowing smile, it was a line. See, if it came from an ugly, balding troll it probably would have been viewed in harsher terms but, the lady in question found the speaker somewhat attractive and there you have it.

Look, I don’t want to get anyone pissed off or hurt anyone to be sure but, when we talk about these kinds of things it isn’t the zero sum game people would have you believe. I am not a proponent of the ‘she was asking for it’ school of excuses - that’s just bullshit but, I have also witnessed a bunch of times when someone cried ‘harassment.’ It’s unfortunate but true. Each and every time I’ve seen it done (and it’s been more than once - thankfully I’ve not been party to it), it just weakens the argument when someone is really being harassed.

This is a subject, I can’t do justice to with the written word either I feel because there is an antiseptic nature to the written word which doesn’t contain the nuance of speech. Also, it’s a damn complicated one, a few paragraphs here can’t do it justice.

But f**k! I’m damned confused by it all because there are some women who like being objectified, who don’t mind it at all and there aren’t any kind of warning labels on women to make things easier. And men are, really, really stupid. Plus if we didn’t think about sex so much there would probably be a cure for cancer, world peace, an end to hunger in our time and a lot of other good things. I’m not excusing obnoxious behavior but, I also think the world would be a much harsher place if we didn’t recognize some of the things that make us different particularly when it comes to gender.